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Right now or rather,at some point in our lives;things tend to make less sense or even no sense at all…but that’s okay! Its okay to feel lost sometimes,when everything is like some absolute hogwash.

Anyway..one day it all clicks right in after all that phase of feeling lost and everything starts making perfect sense…you start understanding what you really want in life,your worth,things you can never stoop low for..you start opening your eyes and know between real and fake,right and wrong,perfect and imperfect,reality and illusion….

one day it just clicks..you realize whats important and what wasn’t.You learn to care less about what other people think of you and more about what you think of yourself.You realize how far you’ve come and remember when you thought things were such a mess and they’d never recover…and then you smile.You smile because you are truly proud of yourself and the person you’ve fought to become…..YES!!you look back and realize that no situation is PERMANENT’

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A cross to bear!

She minded her own

And most of the times she was alone

But who would have known ?

That behind the silence in her words

And the noise in her silence

Was myriads of questions ,questions she demanded explanations but what  was almost clear in her eyes was the pain that  ravenously devoured her…

So she always sat under that oak tree,twas her favourite spot..and watch every leaf that fell and withered ..

She could relate,of course she could !It was a constant reminder of her fallen duchy and her stolen dreams.Dreams of flying above oceans and touring places,she could almost see it right before her..Being exactly where she wished to be..Of course those were the dreams she once made on a shooting star,buh now life had placed her exactly where fate wanted her..

Behind her she could hear the resounding innocent cry of the baby she now wishes could call her mama and be the reason for her to live..but how??

How could she think of it? How could she think of bringing another sad mark of her stolen identity …Then now she remembers that night,as he thrust hard inside her,mouth gagged and his hand constantly pressing hard around her neck…her face Contorted beyond description as tears rolled from the corners of her eyes..it was obvious her pain cannot be described in just mere words but he repeatedly kept shouting

“I knew one day I’d finally get you”!

Yes,sad how life quickly turns without alarm..the people we trust,the person she knew..no longer the ally she spent hours laughing with…now a stranger in the night…

And when she found out a part of him was growing right inside her…she decided to bury it with the past..the past she wishes she never remembers ..the past that is right in her present …

The past that  left her as an object of derision  and everywhere she passes is the silent whispers of judgmental eyes

” akona mdudu”!!

And now it has become a cross to bear not knowing if she should climb on that hill and crucify herself or wait for the thorns to continually prick her head and the vinegar to slowly burn her dry throat till when she can finally say

“It is finished”!!

Because her tears are dry for crying….

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

OCEANS

“Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders, lemme walk upon the waters ,wherever you will call me.Take me deeper than my feet could ever wonder and my faith will be made stronger in the presence of my saviour ”

I’d never fathomed the depth of these words until today – humming this song as I went about my chores then it struck me that these are more than just words -its more than some good kick and snare beat,its more than just lyrics – but the resounding cry of a hungry and thirsty soul ..As a deer panteth for the waters in a dry and weary land..

For one,I didn’t know how to jot this done – after such a mega break of having to go through a writer’s block,but just when these words really sank deep into my heart – I undoubtedly knew I wouldn’t lack something – after all,there’s no formula in writing ,there’s no better way to say Hi to a heart that sees right through you. After all,I missed the cluttering of pages in my heart and mind and sleepless nights of trying to figure out what you wanted to hear next.Sorry for my silence – distance makes you yearn for the days and nights that only linger in your memory.

For some reason ,the lyrics of this song sounded unfamiliar today – bolder than I ever thought !Its like,you can actually feel this hunger and desperate desire to cling onto any reef that sweeps across the ocean.A desperate thirst that cannot be quenched by any other !And just when I realized that its more than a song – I found myself mumbling these words in prayer …Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders : beyond the borders of doubt ,mindsets ,fear and only then did I realize that its actually more than just telling God to have His way..Its us laying down our will at His feet in total surrender ,cancelling our plans and interests and seeking to follow right behind Him..its casting our nets back into the waters we spent a whole night fishing and caught nothing ,its setting up an altar of sacrifice without an offering and trusting that He’ll provide ,its refusing to give God that which costs us nothing just like David !Its refusing to offer to God only when its convenient for us ,its refusing to offer to God something we don’t have an attachment to…its living in the reality that all things work for the good of they that love him !Its paying up the price and learning that some things about God can only be learnt through suffering -when the grace doesn’t look gracious and things are taking a toll on us…

Lemme walk upon the waters – this reminded me of my fear of learning how to swim. I’m not really hydrophobic but I just can’t go under water – the thought of it getting into my nose and ears really frightens me ..and more than once I’ve found myself almost suggesting to God that if my time ever comes ,I shouldn’t die out of drowning or falling off a building (I’m acrophobic)or getting burnt to death ..those are my biggest fears and finding myself telling God to lemme walk upon the waters today ,resurfaced so many things I’m afraid of..Anyone who hasn’t been in water larger than the size of a bathtub can almost relate to what I’m saying …But the lord quickened me to His word Isaiah 43:2 – “ when you pass through the waters I will be with you and through the rivers ,they shall not overwhelm you ..” And this sort of gave me an assurance that whatever situation I have to walk through in life,there’ll be a hand to hold me through the darkest nights ..and honestly, walking through life alone is something most of us are afraid of ..walking through the loss of a loved one,a breakup, loss of a job, malignant diseases such as cancer -we all want people to tell us its gonna be okay ,but sometimes that’s never enough ..So,may we find Godfidence in the assurance that God gives us,that when oceans rise our souls can rest in His embrace ..

Take me deeper than my feet could ever wonder and my faith will be made stronger in the presence of my saviour- for some reason this reminded me of the modern day superheroes..its like we all have a ferocious desire to help and save ourselves, look mighty and be the epitome of bravery and strength but at the end of the day ,truth is ,we’re all alittu broken and weak ;in need of a saviour..Often than not,we fail to acknowledge that..we pretend to have it all together and I’m not an exception to this ..Countless times I’ve found myself saying “i got this” while in real sense my insides are crumbling in despair and defeat..It only gets worse as time goes by until we can really admit that we’re in need of a saviour – way stronger than Superman ..To be rooted in the kind of love that is steadfast and better than life itself…

We are never okay when we pretend that hurt doesn’t hurt. Hurt always needs to be acknowledged and addressed. It doesn’t just disappear, no matter how deeply we bury it or how much we try to convince ourselves we’re okay in spite of it. When we fail to process our pain in a healthy way, it becomes ill-processed by default, deepening the damage of the original wound. That’s what happens when the unhealthy layers of denial under which we bury our hurt stand in the way of our wholeness.

And often than not,I’ve realized that for us to really go deeper is not a one day thing..its a series of being broken and moulded-God won’t break you and leave you broken!But if it means Him breaking you just to make you, He will.If it means Him wrecking your plans before they wreck you,be assured He will…and when all is said and done ,my most mind blowing lesson has been that God is looking for a High note of purity and transparency. For us to get deeper in God,our lives need to be laid at His feet in total surrender.

God doesn’t promise us smooth sailing.Still waters run deep but that’s only true for waters that are confined to a certain place .Deepest waters like oceans and seas have constant waves and ripples that make them the opposite of still ;they’re the epitome of powerful .”

Real Neat Blog Award

So I got nominated to the Real Neat Blog Award and I’m so excited .Its my first award ! So let’s get started …

The ‘rules’ of the Real Neat Blog Award are: (feel free not to act upon them if you don’t have time; or don’t accept awards; etc.):

1. Put the award logo on your blog.

2. Answer 7 questions asked by the person who nominated you.

3. Thank the people who nominated you, linking to their blogs.

4. Nominate any number of bloggers you like, linking to their blogs.

5. Let them know you nominated them (by commenting on their blog etc.)

My 7 Questions were; 1.WHERE DO MOST VISITS TO MY BLOG COME FROM? Its been over an year since I started blogging and most of my audience is from my country – Kenya…The kind of energy and support I’ve gotten from my audience is quite immense.Despite the times I’ve been experiencing Writer’s block and creative slowdowns ,I’ve had people asking questions like when I’m gonna write next ,what do I have cooking and the likes…and honestly, that’s been a muse for me, so maybe I’d take this opportunity to say thank you to my audience .Lotsa love!

2.WHAT’S MY FAVORITE SPORT? Ahaa!I didnt see this coming .Heaven knows how lazy I am and how I keep hitting that snooze button every morning when I know it’s time to be up jogging..Haha! Anyways, my all time sport has been basketball..I know that almost sounds like I’m tryna pull your leg but yes,I was actually in the school Team .#Team StephenCurry in the house??🙌😏

3.WHAT’S BEEN MY SPECIAL MOMENT SO FAR IN 2018? Whoooaa!I’m tryna fish for something that’s been breathtaking this year …uuuhm!!I’m not really sure if there’s any ,,,buuuuut every moment I get to spend with people who warm my heart enough to miss them is special to me…All those moments my lips curl up in laughter unapologetically, Real and meaningful convos (I’m a sucker for deep convos but apparently, I feel like this generation has almost lost touch of meaningful convos..What Njoki Ndung’u calls DnM 😂😂…I see you girl!)

4.WHAT’S MY FAVORITE QUOTE This had to be one of Maya Angelou’s; People will forget what you did ,people will forget what you said but people will never forget how you made them Feel! So hey,why don’t you be kind to everyone you bump into?We’re all fighting our battles . Smile more – it could brighten up someone’s day. Love more – we all need alittu too much love than we think we deserve.. There’s a glow when we love people the right way .😍❤ Forgive more – its not until you learn to forgive that you’ll learn to love.. Hey,these littu things!They matter ..:-)

5.WHAT WAS MY FAVOURITE CLASS IN SCHOOL? That had to be biology!Say no more !

6.WHAT’S SOMETHING I WISH I HAD LEARNED EARLIER ? That sometimes we give our all to people only to have them say that they never asked for it later on.. That finding God is the best thing that could ever happen to me.It has brought me so much serenity !I found myself in Him in those tiny mazes that made me feel lost!I found love In the place I least searched for cos I was busy looking for it I’m all the wrong places…So set me ablaze,till its all I know! That mistakes are not really mistakes,they’re lessons learnt.I wouldn’t have spent so much time on closed doors if I had known that earlier!

7.WHAT MUSICAL INSTRUMENT HAVE I TRIED TO PLAY ? Piano ! I’m still trying to get my way around it.Dear future Husband I’ve been looking for someone to serenade me but now that I’m getting this musical fever,Wait for it!

Lol!

*****

I take this opportunity to thank dearkitty1.wordpress.com for nominating me.I’m so grateful !

I would like to nominate the following for the Real Neat blog Award ; 1.mindperceptions.wordpress.com

2.https://kantaidrips.com

3.samsparking.wordpress.com

4.https://khroniclesofkoko.wordpress.com

My 7 questions are ;

1.What keeps you going when you don’t feel like writing ?

2.Where do you draw your inspiration from?

3.What do you think is the future of bloggers in a “Time zone” of people who just scheme through posts because they don’t like reading much ?

4.Where’s the wildest place you’d wanna tour?

5.What are you passionate about ?

6.What do you feel about art in the 21st century ?Rather does your heart still throb when you think of leornado Di Caprio?

7.One word for your audience?

Lemme love you

To be a good writer,you have not to be afraid of starting sentences with conjunctions ..words like ‘and’…”- Biko

Well,I honestly dunno what my first statement has to do with whatever I wanna put down but I feel like over the past couple of months ,life’s had a way of bringing in so many things ,actually ,lessons .Its been a series of this and that ,here and there ,messes and muses …and I think when all that is put together ,its a beautiful mess -paint and colours ..I dunno what picture you want on it,but its my canvas – I paint it how I want …!

Since we were expelled from paradise,we’ve either been suffering ,watching others suffer or suffering along with them and that’s not even it – I feel like humanity has become a lost place leaving the world in shambles of broken ,miserable and continually hurting people yet we so well know how to cover up in the broadest smiles .

I dunno why I want to put this out there but I’m sure,if one or two can identify with this – then maybe we could lead the world to a place of healing,that we can break out of this emotional and mental asylum of wanting to drag everyone into our mess.I have a feeling that if one person can go our of their way to show compassion, it could start a chain reaction… So many broken souls out here ,so much pain accumulated in the name of ”naaah,I’m good. .I can handle it”….so many unlovable hearts …

Im just looking out for myself ,I’ve gone through this and that before.I don’t want go through that again…!” Does that sound familiar ?No?…Often than not,I’ve found myself pulling that secret card at the fear of having myself broken or hurt by similar situations …and I tend to think its a secret card we all have …anyone who’s gone through tremendous heartache knows …!But hey,here I am…lemme love you …lemme love those broken pieces …lemme be that father who walked out on you at 4,lemme erase the horror of having to remember that you endured sleepless nights hoping and wishing that he won’t show up again because last night he left you more frightened than ever ;he stole your dignity and innocence ..and you suffered quietly because nobody would believe you if you spoke up..and there’s only one way to do that,make peace with yourself and i know you’re asking how and you’re somewhat thinking I’m crazy,I dunno what you went through ,I dunno what it felt like crying yourself to sleep… And yes,you’re right – I HAVE NO SINGLE IDEA..but what know is that life’s had to put me through a series of shenanigans ,causing mayhem left right center yet here I am … “Hold on to me,cause I’m a lil unsteady “I can almost hear a lyrical X Ambassadors but that’s not my point …what I meant to say is that ;

“There are times you’ll have to go bed feeling like you’re all alone,yes most of us have ..Nobody’s gonna understand how it feels losing your job and your house auctioned ’cause you defied a loan payment ,you miscarried at 6 months or worse had a stillbirth ,your guy ditched you for your best friend …yes! We all don’t know what you’re going through feels like…but I’m sure every one of us has gone through times they thought they’d never wake up from and here’s what I have to tell you – The darkest hours of dawn are succeeded by sunrise ,so you will rise again!

The world is full of so many nice people,only that – we meet them with their Baggage .People walk around with all their baggage of disappointment, anger ,despair – looking for somewhere to dump it ;they’re like baggage trucks..! If we could only go back and trace where we lost it all,then we could start our healing journey .We’ve walked around with so much heaps of undealt pain and the only way we can rid off such is reopening those wounds again and finally getting closure and telling the past that we’re grateful for the lessons learnt,but its just time to say goodbye …

“Sometimes, closure arrives years later .Years after you’ve stopped searching for it .You’re just sitting there, laughing this laugh that’s unapologetically yours.As it trails off,the corners of your mouth hug your face and it hits you ‘Im happy’.Its just like that ,with no fanfare or epiphany .Suddenly you’re grateful for goodbyes that carried you to this moment to the space that you’re now holding …” I guess its time to lay our baggage down because sometimes the bravest thing we can do is let people love us..!

🙂

The Falls of love

Source: The Falls of love

Original post by Kantai.

 

Spread the love
 So you have been standing at the corner of the street, watching, watching and waiting. You are grimacing as you look at your watch, it’s past the usual time, and she has not come yet. You pace around, keeping track of your breath as you saw in the movies, keeping cool. Your hood is already drenched with sweat, the perfume you had drenched yourself in is past used up, but you have to wait, you have to wait for her. It is the day.

Things have been tough on you; she has not been good to you. You thought you knew your way around girls; you were always the pro of chivalry and flattery. And yes, your style, creative pickup lines, bouncy walk, confident erudite and intelligent talk has got you into a lot of places, into a lot of pants, but not hers. She wouldn’t even spare you a second look, not the second time. Wait, do you even know her name, yes you do, but sometimes you have doubts within you that he lied to you. You know her as Shania, yet you heard her girlfriends call her Stacy. How did Shania become Stacy, how now? That is reaganomics, girl child magic.

You have been reading on how to approach a girl, how to ask your crush out on a date. You have even gone as far as rehearsing the steps in your tiny bedsitter apartment, taking care not to step on the plates or the tones of biscuit wrappers you dump on the floor when reading. You have even got yourself a new hood, not the grey `Washington state university` blanket that you call an antique anymore. Your shoes are polished, beyond the usual levels of cleanliness. But in the last hour they have gathered enough grime and dust to be a gumboot see?  You forgot that dust is attracted to dry polished shoes, but you still have to wait, don’t you?

People zoom around you, some looking at you, some actively ignoring to. No one stands in the streets of Nairobi when dark starts to fall. Unless you are part of those guys reining terror on `law abiding` citizens who diligently pay bribes to the police officers on the road.  Cars beep around you; the bus park is starting to fill up. Your hope rises, and with it your fear.  A girl walks out of the crowded lot; she walks towards your direction. She`s also in a hood, like Stacy is always in, she has her height, tiny petite, a short dress like hers. It looks like her, it has to be her. She’s on her phone, texting like all other young nairobians, smiling only to herself and to God knows what. The lights go off on the building up with a pop that is a blessing of sorts for you. She will not get to see you approach, she will not get the chance to turn onto the other street before you get to her, she will not… Today she will be yours.

Start walking, will you, but today your legs won’t move. The courage drains from your body. Take in a breath, a deeper one. They said somewhere that it is taichi, it does help. You feel your systems unlock, the adrenaline before the kill or the killing, the thrill. But wait, you should have taken something to kill the freeze that is gripping you, something stiff like whisky. Your loins deflate with courage, she’s just a couple of steps away, trying to hurry, now clutching onto her small handbag with fervor. The dark has set, is setting. Your patch of darkness is no longer the darkest point of the corner, it is the brightest point.

People coming, people going. You count the steps she takes, from the fifteenth one downwards. Twelve now, you can even hear the click of her shoes though they are rubber now. You can even smell the waft of her cologne, stinging your nose like roadside roast maize. But it’s different, just like she’s different. Ten more to count, a couple of seconds. The lights blaze back on. They startle you, blind you for a moment. A curse, but you hold it down your throat. Your hands react by coming to your eyes, automatism at work. You have to rub them, get your sight back on. Tears sting them from the glare. But you have to keep them open, alert. When you open them, she’s no longer before you. She is gone.

Blood rush to your head, you feel dizzy. Your escapade is in jeopardy, just when you had thought everything was so near. Should you go after her, seek her in the melee of people walking home, or should you wait for tomorrow, another day. The tomorrow might never come, it never comes. Like broken promises it will never be realized. All your effort comes flooding into your being in a deluge. Your imaginations run amok, free from restrictions. You and her, walking down the streets, laughing your head off over some silly joke you had made, sharing a pizza downtown, holding hands like real couples are supposed to. And the hugs ooh! Those hugs, kosher and warm, hugs that would relieve you of the tautness and anxiety of daily hustles. You can’t let them walk away, you can’t let your future hide in the crowd, and you just can’t let all your effort go to zilch… You can’t, you can’t.

Take a step, turn down the street. You can’t see over the bubble of heads around the butchery, past the tarpaulin covering the stalled truck. You think of running, no…But she might have turned the other street. Your brain in turmoil, high gear. Perhaps you should climb the building to the first floor, perhaps you should run down the street, to the other end. But if you did, if you did that, she just might have well taken the other street. And you can’t run both ways, can you?

You can’t waste time thinking either, so you hop onto the next available pedestal. Only that it isn’t a pedestal, you have stepped onto the neighborhood trash can.it is filled to the brim, it is unstable too. It totters for brief moment; you shift your weight in desperation. Left and right right and left, following the wind, riding the `rocking chair` you are on. A flash of brown braids somewhere, you think you saw her head bob up amidst the crowd of baldheads walking the Nairobi streets. Almost sighing, then…….. Crash! Your pillar is gone, and you are falling, losing her, losing yourself in the cloud of dust you kicked up from the falling bin. A rat scampers here, sniffs at your hand and runs off to find itself a better home. Your fall wasn’t your bad luck alone; you have just made it displaced, an IDP.

But you were taught never to lose hope. Some stupid busybody in the name of a `motivational speaker` told you that the key to success is `persistence`. Somewhere along life problems don’t break you they make you. I know, yes, it was a stolen quote, but it resonates with your travails, doesn’t it? You hope you had listened to your earlier intuition, that you had never started thinking of this one girl. before she happened you had been a “madem ni wengi“ guy, but now, in your despair, in trying to find a way to rise without making the news and the memes, you are thinking of not losing hope on her, not losing trail.

The crowd is gathering, looking at you. You rise up and limp away, hoping to lose yourself within the crowd of watchers. That is stupid, right? They part way every other step you make, your smell assails their noses. But you fell down for her love. For her love alone, you have to find her. Walk down the street, the crowd follows, like moths attracted to light, flies to stale meat. They have their cameras out, everyone is hoping to make the next big YouTube video. Probably you will be famous from it. you see her ahead, standing at the doors of the small kiosk, gesticulating wildly. They are talking about you, you guess. So you approach the shop, limp towards, innocently, smiling. And when you open your mouth to say hi, to tell her how much you have gone through to get to her, how much you and her would look good together, she creams. She screams not your name, she screams, for help.

Hey 🙋I missed you

“i love you…”

“Thank you!!!”

I know it sounds so mean but I’m sorry ,what more did you expect ?I’m sorry its not mutual and if it is,then I can’t let that out of my skin because I’ve loved and lost before …

I’m sorry I dunno how to take in well compliments because the last time someone said I looked good,kids made fun of me in school because I wore mama’s woven sweaters..at least that’s the much we could afford..

I’m sorry I can’t let you take me to expensive places.I’m afraid I’ll make a fool out of myself;I can hardly use all the cutleries they tag along with meals …the fork,the spoon,knife….I mean,why do I need the whole kitchen just for a single meal ??

I’m sorry I can’t let you look at me that way…the last time someone did that,,I thought I could see the world right through their eyes..but it crumbled …

I’m sorry if sometimes I dunno what to say ,somethings are better off left unspoken..

And sometimes like now,I don’t even know what to write…I could scribble down my whole heart but still not find the right words …keep telling myself,maybe we can try again tomorrow but oh well,it never gets any better …So today,I tried to at least write to you after months of longing and yearning ;tell you I missed you but I still can’t put it out there…

I didn’t even get to share my new years with you,my resolutions ,bad days and long nights..and I somehow wish we could just sit at a table and talk over coffee…hear you whining about your last breakup and school work…let’s laugh about anything and everything and at the end of the day,go home feeling like it was the best time in our lives after such a long time …

Sometimes,I wish you could read through my heart …if only you knew how much its concealed !!So you won’t have to ask,what happened to your musings,writings ?! And I can only smile because I have nothing to say…

If I’d say sorry…!! 


I missed that beautiful resounding of pages cluttering, sitting by my table with a mug of coffee early in the morning ;bitting a lip and trying to fathom what I’d write next… And after a long break (like a month now?) I’m back…. 
Let’s see… What have I missed out??  Wait, we can still have it the  other way round and throw the ball in your court, what have you missed out?? Well, I haven’t been upto much apart from school and friends (just so you know,, I got this awesome fam) lol, just thought I should put it out there… 

Anyway… With all that recap,,, I woke up feeling like most times we really never take time to look around and appreciate the people in our lives, and if we do that’s because they’ve done something alittu extra (bought your fav PS game, got you the latest album of yoh fav artist and for girls, maybe a bunch of yoh fav white chocolate… And so on) 

And today, how ‘bouh we just take 10 minutes or less to just reflect on all the amazing people life has brought our way?? And not just that, how bouh we say sorry for all the times we’ve hurt them knowingly or unknowingly?? 

Never take for granted anyone that genuinely comes into your life and opens their heart to you… That’s a treasure!! 

So, dear friend… If you’re reading this ;

I’m sorry for all  the times I’ve been a pain in the neck.. For all the times we fight and yell at each other, for the times I wake up and don’t feel like talking to you… I’m sorry for never seeing how much you try to understand me… But above it all,, I have never loved you any less… 

If I was to make a wish… I’d wish that you see yourself through my eyes and only then, would you know how special you are to me… 


Damaged goods.. 


Dear Sir, 

Such a start would make it feel like we haven’t met before, or more like we are strangers.. But I guessed if I said daddy, like it was, it would rather sound so sarcastic… 

I dunno what emotion to wear right now, should I be at least sappy while I know there’s nothing to be happy about?? And Its palpable that you  can already see through my glass made self so clearly. I should just go straight to the point then, but I prefer to beat around the bush, maybe I’ll find the right words. 

This time, I’ll hold back from using words like; sorry, I wish I knew, forgive me… Until I’m sure I mean them. 

Why don’t I just get this off my chest already? And my evil heart is all loud trying to whisper “i told you so” and the thought of having to hear that come from you would be so devastating.. 

I promise I’ll hold back the tears not to look all sorry and broken… 

So now.. Lemme clear my throat.. It might help, just a littu.. 

I bring you damaged goods, that’s all I ever do.. When things go wrong, I come running to dump it at your feet.. After all, I’m just as I am… 

For a moment, I found myself thinking of how many times we go through stop signs and still drive past ’cause we’re in a hurry? And at times, just at times.. Or maybe once, those traffic officers will let you go with a warning.. 

Its the same thing with us..our lives are in so much a hurry tryna grope  for the things that seem so far off  but here’s the thing, the things we want are not necessarily what we need.. 

I thought of how much we stuck up God in the back of our cars with that tray of eggs.. He’s just in the background.. Like He’s some slow music and we’re up the stage singing out the days of our lives.. 

Or worse, think we’ve blown up God’s plan for our lives.. 

But yes, that’s the problem with a living sacrifice.. It always tends to crawl out of the altar.. We lay our lives at His feet, only to pick them up when We feel  He’s getting late, like superman stuck up at the five and dime  saving the day… We hand over the pen to Him only to pick it up again or draw suggestions over His shoulder… 

I dunno what it is like for Him, but I’m sure at some point it breaks Him too.. To watch us go down the right road only to make diversions and luring U-turns. And I think all He wants is a chance.. To hear you call Him father, just to be a part of your life… 

And next time you’re sorry… At least mean it… Let Him hold you to your words..