In Retrospect… 

I look out through this window pane.. And for a minute, allow me to share my pain.. 

Allow me to share my mistakes.. The silly choices we make.. 

I can’t help but retrospect.. Dear past, oh maybe I should remind you my name… Wait, lemme reintroduce myself to you.. I’m sure you’re surprised that   the scars you left all over me ain’t there no more right??  Haha, I guessed right. But that’s not even it, I’m not here to swing my waist at you and brag about this me you see standing in front of you, face concealed in loreal mismatch foundation, that ombre lipstick and my Chris Adam’s scent… Lol, I know you must be thinking –she never used to do designer perfumes!!  Haha… Yes, and that’s why I said, lemme reintroduce myself… 

For a minute, no! Wait! Lemme rephrase that… All my life I let you define me with all the mistakes I made.. And I let myself sink into depression for things I wasn’t even to blame for. 

She was atleast someone I knew, but I would  never have let her swing and drown into her bottles and the last time she did that, she sunk! And you know the saddest part?? A life so young and precious gone, just like that… And sometimes I wished It could have been me… Because I know what it feels like not to have someone, anyone understand what you’re going through… I know what it feels like to pour out your heart and the much they do is tell you to stop taking life so seriously.. It should have been me because I fit in her shoes much more than anyone could have… But maybe I’m stronger! 

Stronger –I dunno if i should brag about that or atleast applaud myself, because it would add to those few claps I got everytime I made a mess out of myself, And could’ve been better labelled a drama queen while deep inside I knew I was the drama… With so many characters and episodes yet, I was the main character and the climax of it all –finale!! 

Dear past, You have no idea how many times I took the blame for his mistakes.. And thought I was never good enough.. That maybe he chose her because of her long hair, short dresses and perfect Australian strine… You have no idea how many times I saved up just to get the cheapest sleek makeup, to look good for you…Spent hours on YouTube channels – how to be a better girlfriend5 ways to make him love youSo much for never being loved right!!! And I believed it when he said it was my fault that we couldn’t work… You have no idea what it was like, looking for love in all the wrong places, just someone -anyone who said I’m beautiful, I love you… Just that!! 

Dear past, I grew up feeling like I was the worst daughter because daddy never said for once that he loved me. And getting home excited because I made an improvement on my last grade would be countered by who topped the class? What did they get?? How could you get this wrong??… How was that my fault?? Atleast I tried.. Maybe if only he knew that his approval is the only thing that would make me never allow myself to get reduced to feeling ugly and wanting to know I’m beautiful.. He’d have given me that… But everytime he raised a whip to hit me, I could never see any good in me… However right he was! 

Dear past, if I had a chance to sue you… I would have done that long ago… But now that I’m grown, now that I don’t depend on you anymore.. I could only look back and say thank you! Thank you for all the times you broke me.. I am made whole now because  of that… For all the times I felt like I should have  overdosed on pills and cut my wrists open and that I didn’t deserve to live, i want you to know that its because of that, that I want to feel the sun shine on my face every morning.. For all the times I looked for approval from people, I want to say thank you,  because of that, I’m able to look at myself now and feel like I have all it takes… 


We’ve all made mistakes at some point in life,, but we don’t always have to suffer for them… Every mistake is not a mistake, its a lesson learned… 

This is to everyone who’s lost a friend, a loved one.. Anyone… And you feel like you were to blame ;

I’m sorry that no words can erase that pain… But I pray that you heal, that you forgive yourself… That you live up to be the person they’d have wanted to see you become… Sometimes we’re not always to blame though we put that weight on our shoulders and carry the grief home everyday… Accept that you can’t change whatever happened and make peace with yourself… 

This is to you who feels like you grew up without a childhood ;

I’m sorry that you were denied  the greatest gift of your childhood.. I’m sorry to every girl out here who grew up feeling less deserving because you were never daddy’s little princess.. I’m sorry he never for a second said that he loved you… But for now, forgive him.. That’s the only way to heal.. For we have a father in God  who is a father to the fatherless and he loves you as though you were the  only one on earth.. 

Son, forgive your mother too… She may have never been the best.. But atleast she was strong enough to bring you to this world… She may never say it often, but she loves you… 

Yes…to you who feels like you don’t deserve to live ;

I know what it feels like not to have anyone give you a shoulder.. Or atleast understand you… I want you to know that someone out here cares for you,  for there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother and He  is willing to listen to you  and you deserve life again like any other person… There is nothing wrong with you, you’re perfect! You’re amazing and let nothing hold you down or convince you otherwise….. 

So dear past… Thank you for the scars, they only remain to show me that you’re real… But I survived…. 

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If I’d say sorry…!! 


I missed that beautiful resounding of pages cluttering, sitting by my table with a mug of coffee early in the morning ;bitting a lip and trying to fathom what I’d write next… And after a long break (like a month now?) I’m back…. 
Let’s see… What have I missed out??  Wait, we can still have it the  other way round and throw the ball in your court, what have you missed out?? Well, I haven’t been upto much apart from school and friends (just so you know,, I got this awesome fam) lol, just thought I should put it out there… 

Anyway… With all that recap,,, I woke up feeling like most times we really never take time to look around and appreciate the people in our lives, and if we do that’s because they’ve done something alittu extra (bought your fav PS game, got you the latest album of yoh fav artist and for girls, maybe a bunch of yoh fav white chocolate… And so on) 

And today, how ‘bouh we just take 10 minutes or less to just reflect on all the amazing people life has brought our way?? And not just that, how bouh we say sorry for all the times we’ve hurt them knowingly or unknowingly?? 

Never take for granted anyone that genuinely comes into your life and opens their heart to you… That’s a treasure!! 

So, dear friend… If you’re reading this ;

I’m sorry for all  the times I’ve been a pain in the neck.. For all the times we fight and yell at each other, for the times I wake up and don’t feel like talking to you… I’m sorry for never seeing how much you try to understand me… But above it all,, I have never loved you any less… 

If I was to make a wish… I’d wish that you see yourself through my eyes and only then, would you know how special you are to me… 


If I’d say sorry…!! 



I missed that beautiful resounding of pages cluttering, sitting by my table with a mug of coffee early in the morning ;bitting a lip and trying to fathom what I’d write next… And after a long break (like a month now?) I’m back…. 
Let’s see… What have I missed out??  Wait, we can still have it the  other way round and throw the ball in your court, what have you missed out?? Well, I haven’t been upto much apart from school and friends (just so you know,, I got this awesome fam) lol, just thought I should put it out there… 

Anyway… With all that recap,,, I woke up feeling like most times we really never take time to look around and appreciate the people in our lives, and if we do that’s because they’ve done something alittu extra (bought your fav PS game, got you the latest album of yoh fav artist and for girls, maybe a bunch of yoh fav white chocolate… And so on) 

And today, how ‘bouh we just take 10 minutes or less to just reflect on all the amazing people life has brought our way?? And not just that, how bouh we say sorry for all the times we’ve hurt them knowingly or unknowingly?? 

Never take for granted anyone that genuinely comes into your life and opens their heart to you… That’s a treasure!! 

So, dear friend… If you’re reading this ;

I’m sorry for all  the times I’ve been a pain in the neck.. For all the times we fight and yell at each other, for the times I wake up and don’t feel like talking to you… I’m sorry for never seeing how much you try to understand me… But above it all,, I have never loved you any less… 

If I was to make a wish… I’d wish that you see yourself through my eyes and only then, would you know how special you are to me… 


Sepositivity…!! 

They say, take time and find yourself… Well,when I had nothing to lose, I had everything and when I stopped being who I am, I found myself… Now, that sounds like a positive way to start the month after what seemed like a trendy August… Githeriman chronicles, vifaranga Wa kompyuta and now, this paper bag ban… Too much for a month don’t you think?? 

Anyway, let’s snap out of that already… September got me up with some new energy… I think I’m  going to take over the world this time round –well, last time I overslept… So how bouh we do it together?? Sounds like a deal to me… 

HERE’S HOW…. 

Coming out of the masses… And marking your circle – Come on, both you and I know we have loads of people who if I may say, aint all thaaaaat necessary.. Oh yeah! I think I just said that and you don’t like how it sounds right?? 
I know you love your clique… Oh! I also know how funny Jim is… Buuuut here’s the real deal  You cannot laugh from Monday to Sunday… Funny could lead to tears 


You MUST say goodbye to some people… If they dont help you become half the person you wanna be  six years from now… Theeeen, its that time of the party we call right abou’ now…. 

You see,   It‘s easier to let go of people you don’t like… But sometimes they’re those you need more.. I know that sounds crazy, but here’s why… They’ll give it to you straight outta the pan… They’ll be so blatant when you do it wrong… And that’s what makes us uuuhm,“ not reaaaaallly hate them ” 

I’ve found myself countless times passive-aggresively defend myself with that statement… At first its normally like ‘i hate so and so ’ then I slowly drop it to ‘i don’t really hate them…. I just don’t like how they do this and that… ’… But come to think of it, most times, we’re the ones with the problem. 

Hang around people who tell you  what you need to hearNot what you  want to hear 

Its obvious that, our cliques will definitely tell us what we want to to hear… But come to think of it, its like ;

A blind man winking at a woman in a dark room and expecting a reaction.
.. If u want to be better, you cannot please everyone… We’ve heard people time and again say that if you wanna please everyone then  Sell ice cream. 

Be around people who are where you wanna be.. 

Leave the crowds... If you wanna grow spiritually, then Spend time with God to build your spiritual muscles. That way,  temptations will be just a whisper.. 

But along the way… You’ll find people who’ll tell you that you can’t get any far.. I mean, we’ve all had people of such caliber who in fact will count down days for you just to see go back to that person you’re trying hard not to be. But, lemme prepare you in advance ; Some people are raised by the devil to remind you of your past…so here’s the thing, make peace with yourself. 

They say life is 10 % what you make it and 90% how you take it. Forgive more and  love deep. Dont let it go to your head. Being bitter is like drinking poison and expecting the public to die. 
Get better for yourself and the people around you.. Everytime u keep building yourself the results will show… Build your thick skin if you have to be better because, If u allow people to bring u down, you’ll come down. 


Whatever weakness you have, You got to turn it to your good… Dont concentrate on what you cannot do, it will become an imperfection..And as you climb the ladder up, remember that you’ll be required to climb down and serve others.. So, be humble. 

Humility is not wearing a torn shirt, or wearing the same pair of shoe for over a decade  and leaving it behind for your grand children …thats fake humility!! Humility will come from being broken before God and only after that, can it be manifested to other people. 

And lastly… 

Anyone who makes you feel bad about yourself is actually amplifying their insecurities.. 

You gotta go ahead and be who you wanna be… But first, there are some people you need to shed off… 

Look into the future eyeball to eyeball and say, I’M COMING FOR YOU…!! 



                Inspired by Robert Burale!! 

Rules Vs Love

Well,how far is too far?? ”

More than a  million times I’ve found myself stuck on that question, and I know most of us too have found themselves asking the same thing… How far is too far, as long as relationships are involved?? 

I’ve probably read many articles such as 10 ways to keep your relationship glowing, 5 signs to know that they’re into you, Basics of Godly dating and so on… All the more reason to believe that those are just rules preset in our human minds, psychology and intelligence… Buuuut now, how far is too far as far as Godly dating is involved?? 

We’ve all grown with these two mindsets on relationships; 

  1. Don’t have sex till marriage 
  2. Only date Christian guys who have the same beliefs as 1

Ahaaaa! Then now goes the profound saying, that rules are meant to be broken.. 

I’m sure we’ve all gotten to that point that in as much as we know those two rules, we always have it recurring at the back of our minds… How far can I go??Is kissing okay?? and all that, yes?? And basically, in other words this question is really a code for asking “How much can I get away with and not get God mad?? ” Rather we should be asking ourselves “How far can I possibly go to bring joy to the heart of my heavenly Father in this area of my life?”
I happened to stumble across  this book when God writes your love story and the first thing I thought, “what business does God even have with writing fairy tales? «it almost felt like I was reading one of those Cinderella happily ever after stories  but no, this was so much different in so many ways. 


More than anything, God wants to be involved with so many Areas in our lives. Infact, He wants to be involved in ALL areas of our lives. 

So now it got me wondering,  how far is too far as far as dating is involved.. Is this about the many rules I’ve read?? And the many relationship goals everyone Spends their whole life crafting?? 

#love predates law

Don’t settle for a formula. If you’re ready for an unforgettable earthly romance, start by discovering the joy of an intimate daily romance with the king of kings. When you truly know Him like that ,you’ll never again ask the question “How far is too far? ”

 Romans 8:3 -For God has done what the law, weakened by the flesh, could not do; sending His son in the likeness of sinful flesh….

Guys,that right there was love…!! And rules Wont save you from temptations ,love will… 

If you passionately love God, His interests become yours too. You start loving what He loves and hating what He hates too… 

It is easy to do something out of love and not law.. After all, we all hate rules.. We’re always finding new ways to break them and make them fit into our perception. 

We need to get to that point of building our lives around God and not trying to fit Him into our lives..! 



#Giving God the pen

I could almost hear Sinach echo “you provide the fire, I’ll provide the sacrifice… 

God is more than willing to lead in every part of your life,  but we need to be willing to follow and trust that His way is perfect .When we ask God for direction, we need to move our feet towards the path He has set out for us!

“I had been trying to make sense out of this area of my life for so long, and I had felt the pressure of figuring everything out for myself “What if I marry the wrong person? What if I never meet the right guy? How will I know who the right one is? What if I make a mistake and ruin my whole life? ”

But here’s the real deal, let God take the shots!!!! 

Let God hold the pen and write your story.. It’s getting to acknowledge the fact that we should build our lives around Him and not building Him into our lives…! It’s passionately seeking Him… And not trying to suggest synonyms we think He should use in His writings… It’s not going to be easy, but it’s going to be fun!! 

It’s a journey of finding God and finding yourself In Him… Only then, can you find others to tag along !!


Hit your mark… 

There are times you’ll feel lost… But God has a way out… Only if you hand Him the pen and let Him script your story, only if you get out of the way and allow His power to go ahead of you and part the waters… Only if you let Him pour out Himself to you… 

_It is pointless to ask God for direction if you are not willing to move your feet. Every breakthrough and every success story is the combination of divine power and human effort. 

God brought manna to Israel but He didn’t make it fall inside their tents, neither did God pick it up and chew it for them. (Exodus 16) No amount of praying or fasting could replace Israel’s need for decision-making and decisive action. Each Israelite had to get up early in the morning, find containers and gather enough manna for the day.

 God will never do for you anything that He’s already given you the strength to do. God wants to bless you financially but you have to getup every morning and work diligently and faithfully. 

God wants to bless you with a child but you have to endure the nine long arduous months of pregnancy. God wants to bless you with a virtuous wife or loving husband but you must get out of your comfort zone, sacrifice comfort and convenience, open your heart to love and be loved, invest time in the relationship, lose a few friends and disappoint some family members along the way. Just because it is from God doesn’t mean it’s going to be easy. 

God gave Israel the Promised Land but they had to walk through the desert, cross seas and flooded rivers, and fight and kill for it. Whatever it is that you’ve been praying for, God might’ve already said yes. But it won’t fall on your lap without your effort and action. After claiming it in prayer you must get up and take it by force. 

Birds are born to fly, not withstanding the law of gravity. Fish are born to swim, not withstanding the principle of floatation. 

Every child of God is born to win the battles of life, regardless of all obstacles and challenges. Whatsoever is born of God overcomes the world. 

No two birds have ever collided in the sky, which means there’s more space for all of them. You don’t need to pull your neighbor down to succeed. Pulling someone down does not necessarily mean you will go up! There is more than enough space and resources for us all to be the best that God wants us to be. Blessings to you all.

Happy New month!! 

Are you happy?? 

I’ve had moments I’m up feeling like crap and at times, the feeling is unfathomable… 

Am I happy with myself?? ”

If the description of happiness according to these times is a one day thing or a flow in the moment… Then No!!I’m not happy… There must be another name.. 

But what is this happy- business humanity is in search of?? 

A car?a relationship?? Wealth?? Fame??…. What??? 

There is one thing I believe… That happiness is never found, it’s always around the corner… Happiness is not a destination!! 

People have had the notion that, being happy is dictated by the events and people in our lives… And that’s where we get it wrong… 

Happiness Springs forth from you,, search deep within… Are you happy with yourself??! 

This is why… If you’re not happy with yourself,, nobody else is gonna make you happy… ‘Cause if you depend on what people say to you, to give you a feeling  -then you’ll always be disappointed… They say, charity begins at home… 

And sometimes… it’s not about what we have in life that makes us happy… it’s all about accepting that, this is what life has given me… It’s more of finding yourself In those lost moments of your life, where you feel as though nobody really understands you or what you’re going through… 

Happiness to me is being able to wake up and know that I’m at my worst, at my breaking point …but I can still smile and say that I wanna see what tomorrow holds… 

It’s not about tossing and turning to the smell of the one person who makes your heart beat so fast… You know,the world has made it seem like we’re a bunch of humans drunk on the idea that love, only love, could heal our brokenness… But hey, I’ll tell you this;  Never put the key to your happiness in someone else’s pocket.. 


To be happy… You gotta find happiness in yourself ..
I’ve come around this part of scripture that says; To him who gives, more is added… I know you’re probably wondering what that has to do with happiness… But here is the point… If you’re not happy from deep within, then you cannot give happiness to other people. Instead, you spread your negative energy and become a garbage truck running around with bags of disappointment ,anger,frustration and bitterness… Then, you’ll always want to dump it on people… 

Happiness is a journey… Loving yourself through all the mistakes you’ve made and becoming better each day.. That way, the love Springs forth to other people… It’s easy to give without loving.. But, you can never love without giving.. ..“For God so loved the world that He gave…” And after that, I’m sure He looked down and smiled… He must have been so happy… 

Happiness has an aspect of love… Love for humanity ,for self… 

Someone wronged you?? Let it go.. Because it’s not until you learn to forgive ,that you’ll learn to love… 

People don’t like you?? 

You don’t have to try so hard.. You don’t have to give it all away… You just have get up.You don’t have to change a single thing…. Yes, you don’t have to bend until you break …

Be happy with who you are first, the rest will catch up with you… After all, 50% will love you.. And the rest hate you (for no good reason) 


MONDAY FOR ME.. 

Woke up feeling like I could sidewalk on all the memories… Then call it a wrap just when I’m on the other side… Curled up on the edge of my couch, baggy sweater, some warm cup of coffee…. I dunno  A perfect description of a Monday morning!! But I know what I’d call this one…. LOVE!!! 

Nothing feels right like some Monday love.. When everyone’s  up cursing… Monday blues!!! Oh, sorry folks!! Yoh on your own today… Haha 

Isn’t it interesting how life unfolds?? One moment you’re stuck at the five and dime like Superman saving the day and the other minute you’re curled up in some warm snuggly covers… Or maybe at the gazebo… Even better, watching the sun set in the spaces of your hands clipped together and whispering I love you… 

 Life’s beautiful… But we’d rather be stuck on all the bad times, how sad!! We got a million things to atleast say thank you for… Someone else would give their life to put up a smile on their face like you… 

Can we for a minute sidewalk on all the sad memories and bad times?? Can you just say a simple hello  to the guy who mows your lawn?? And just a simple I love you to the one person who hasn’t given up on you yet??

Take a moment… Even just a minute… Appreciate life for what it is.. Whether it has been bad or whatever… You start living the day you choose to!!! 

Tell someone you love them, even if it’s you… Buy someone flowers,or chocolate bars,take a moment and smile, something! Anything! ….. Just someone -because that someone could be you… 

Shrugs… 

Well ,I could bend till I  break…. And lie next to my phone hoping you’ll text first… Run fingers through my hair calling to mind every silly laughter and argument…

And last time I checked… It was us against the world, oh! I almost forgot everyone uses that line In the heat of the moment… Or rather in the snuggly caresses of the love in the air… 

It’s funny how life keeps moving… Like a rollercoaster!! One time slow… Then so fast, I could almost hear my heart beat at the thought of you… Well, too bad…I’m loving you wrong, again!! 

We all have a funny way of expressing our love for people… Some will be so insecure, others will take it out on you when they’re mad at the world,   but that doesn’t mean we love you less… 

But sometimes when all is said and done, we gotta draw a thick line between I wanna stay and it’s time to let go …

Sometimes staying hurts more than letting go… Or either way… Atleast I’m not torn In between the two… Because I know that people come and go, and those who are meant to stay will… 

Enough of the trouble for going out of the way to hold onto people that don’t even wanna stay… 

Witty Wednesdays 

I was gonna take over the world today, buuuut… I OVERSLEPT!!! POSTPONED, AGAIN! 

Oh now- I could almost hear Daughtry in his hit song ,Superman ..

“Yeah, he’s still coming, just a little bit late”
He got stuck at the Five and Dime saving the day”
She says “If life was a movie, then it wouldn’t end like this”
Left without a kiss”….

For a moment it got me thinking about superheroes and everything… Wait, who’s a hero anyway??? Well… Maybe Superman,Batman perhaps ….that’s what the world got me thinking… 
Anyway… Come to think of it.. We always want to award accolades everytime people want to know of our All time Heros…the thought of ‘who’s really my hero’  struck me in bed and left me staring at an empty ceiling… And see, being up late again simply meant I wasn’t going to take over the world, i keep postponing… 


You see, sometimes being a hero doesn’t mean the world will know your name.. Or anything like a hall of fame… Noooo!!And.. Superman won’t always be there to save the day .

But here’s the real deal – to have a hero, I believe you must be a hero yourself…  Funny enough, when 70% of us would give their Heros – lists would compose a thousand of the worlds most renowned persons… But come to think of it, we don’t even have a personal connecting thread with the persons… 

Being a hero starts with you.. And probably the reason I couldn’t fathom out who out there really fitted for a hero is because it’s profound impact on yourself through other people that would keep you going… Nobody is going to be strong for you… Nobody will jump buildings and have you flying through skies to save you…. Buuuut take this home, you’re the strongest being there can ever be… If you survived yesterday’s pain then you got all it takes to scream through any seething pain and tell yourself you will make it again.. 

It’s not about who did what and what… It starts with you… 

And don’t get me wrong, I’m really not disqualifying the fact that we can have Heros out there… Buuuut, the question is what have you done?? Just by yourself?? 

Have you survived long teary nights?? Have you atleast hanged in there when everyone would understand if you gave up?? Have you gone out of your way to put your life on the line for someone you love?? 

It’s just as simple as it is… It’s the simple things we do that touch hearts… 

Have you loved and lost??  Damn, you’re a hero… You made someone smile and feel as if their entire world revolved around you… 


I wish  I had someone Pop up everytime I thought of a Hero… It always keeps me going out of my mind to see if there’s one… And that’s not because I’m selfish… It’s simply because I think I’ve endured every pain, and teary  laughter…and all those moments you have to force a smile and act as if everything is going on just perfectly, but deep down – you’re breaking… It’s about all those times I’ve been mad at myself for not being able to change a couple of things and going out of my way to ask God for direction…  

It’s about all those times someone has told me that I’m the best damn thing that has ever happened to their lives…. 

It’s about all the  silly little things we’ve all done for love, atleast once in our lives…. 

It’s all about all those times the people that made you laugh until tears come out, turn to make you cry but you still tell them you love them and you won’t give up on them… 

It’s more of all the times I’ve spent the night cramming formulas for my exams but when the results are out, I’m below my expectations… But still going back to get it right again… 


I dunno if that’s enough to make me a hero to you, but to myself….. Giiiiiirl,yeeees!!I’m a superhero…. 

But again, this is not about me… It’s about you… What have you done?? 


Here’s to all the strong people out there…!!!