The great trek 

If there’s a time I’ve felt like I’ve done anything new with myself, it’s today… Thanks to this awesome people… 


I couldn’t get my eyes shut without sharing our version of events… The Amazing race

                 ******

A journey of a thousand miles.. 

Well, it better started with making our way to MaMa… What now??  Mamaland, they say.. Haha… And whispers of ‘Ongeeni polepole group two isijue njia Ní gani’…Mean beings..lol! 


To taking selfies with strangers… 

It took so long to convince random people to do this… Probably juu tumegrow up na that notion ya kuambiwa ati wazungu wakitupiga picha wanaendanga kuuza,,,, Kenyans Though!!! 


And the random clues… 

Cynthia was right to complain about our map though,, I can almost count the number of times we ran into ‘No way through here’ signs.This is probably where people like Cindy totally disappeared…Lol, now that reminds me of that singer that goes like “Tulianza na Roho,tulianza na Roho, tukamalizia na mwili kwa nini?? ”😂😂😂

To career paths… 

Heeeee, sasa ustakejua what went down here. Mazeeee, part of the tasks was to help those touts at Engen Stage fill up buses with passengers…Yaani, this is where the hustle for bei ya unga imetufikisha.It was an awesome experience though… Lakini Si rahisi!! 

Mmoja Wa haraka!Tao 50/- Bob! Mmoja ameoga! ” Indeed, tulijaza gari…😂😂 Mazeeee Hadi tukafukuzwa na makanga Wa Mat ati tunawaharibia kazi juu nganya pekee ndio ilkua Inajaa…!!

You shall walk and not grow weary… 

This came true for us… All the Waaaaay,hadi Ndiani…Hapa ndio Nyenzo alkua anatuambia ati we suspend ourselves kwa Hewa,,who does that??? Brathe radi yako njo imemaliza kukula Matoke kisii inafanya warm up ikuje …!!!😈😈


And then this is where everything closes with Bazokizo… Na sgwembe!! 

Teamwork is everything. We all need someone, and yes, that’s true. Every single person in your life has a piece to play… 

And you will know how

To let it ring out

As you discover

Who you are

Others around you

Will start to wake up

To the sounds that are

In their hearts

It’s so amazing

What we’re all creating….!!!


Glorious ..!


I woke up to the sound of David Archuleta....sure has made my morning.

Found myself caught up in his notes and chords,lol..if that makes me sound musical.I mean, isn’t it mean when someone  would balatantly tell me that I don’t have musical ears?? They should probably  be reading this.

 Found myself curled up around my knees, cold hard ground,a mug of coffee preferably hot and white and some visible warm mouthmist to warm up my hands… Then this chilling truth about the universe and the laws of the land suddenly caves in right down through my spine… 

Got me thinking about the many times life’s had to put up a charade of that Prince Charming who buys me a bunch of flowers and chocolate bars and then one evening he goes to his knees and before he can even pop the question, I’m up here screaming  yeeeeeeeeees! 

One,two months down the line.. Everything is perfect, happy couple ,we look cute together, aaaw!… That’s what you say everytime you see us walk by holding hands in the street right?? 😀😀Must be the IT thing I know… 

Here’s the deal… 

Life will be that perfect friend sometimes and you’ll  feel like everything is just how it should be. Friends coming over, going out, live in the most Porsche house… Doesn’t have to be Porsche but atleast you’re happy… And that’s when you’d probably go against anyone who comes up with this cliché that life ain’t no crystal stair ,Right?? But remember  you were young and naive and in love when life popped up that almost complete question and you just couldn’t  let it finish the sentence .That’s what they call living in the moment 😊😊..

An year down the line,, your Prince Charming comes home late, doesn’t pick up calls anymore… They think you nag them… Now things are falling apart yes?? Of course, it was for better for worse till death do You apart…

Recap… 

 Now you know life ain’t all that perfect and all yes… But hey, the reason  why the universe will work against you or for you is because it’s parts of the expedition ! Simple… 

There’ll be storms, icebergs and tides rising… But everyone will wave you off, Bon Voyage 😃😃


 
So here’s the thing… 

  • There are times when 
  • You might feel aimless ,
  • And can’t see the places 
  • Where you belong ,
  • But you will find that 
  • There is a purpose,
  • It’s been there within you 
  • All along 
  • And when you’re near it,you’ll hear it.

Life will push you hard till your canoe is afloat, ready to sail through whatever currents because there’s a PURPOSE and you’re part of something bigger than yourself… 

It’s more like adventure… Sinbad, or Peterpan,or Tintin Or Mr Peabody and Sherman,Beauty and the beast maybe ….just  that, life isnt animated. 

Sometimes it’s about the choices we make that define us.. See, We don’t live in times, we live in moments and sometimes it’s not what is in your pocket that matters, it’s what is in your heart that truly matters… 

“It’s like a symphony

Just keep listening

And pretty soon you’ll start

To figure out your part

Everyone plays a piece

And there are melodies

In each one of us

Oohhh it’s glorious”

😊😊

Life though…!! 


what the heck is wrong with me?? ”I looked at the exasperated me sigh helplessly at the account of all that’s been inundating what seemed to be my peace of mind… 

Then the first annoying thing I run into is a pile of whatsapp chats that need my attention!!I almost roll my eyes at this and slam the door I forgot to close on my way into my house… 

So home,Sound and safe – if the inversion makes it better aaagh! … Piles of this and that,that didn’t work out well… Run through my school work, can’t help notice the DRASTIC 😑 drop in my grades and I won’t even dare mention that I got nothing out of the last lecture because all I was thinking about is my lunch…( *bites a lip*)


So about my lunch… 

Flip through the last coins in my pocket and throw them over the counter to the cashier… Place an order that’s almost hilarious,well to  them… 

you taking that alone?? ”I’m almost embarrassed by the question that almost seems like disbelief to my friends… So I reach out for the last coin in my pocket and before I can throw it off angrily, my friend reaches out and smiles in assurance… “I  got your back 😊😊”She pays. 

Embarrassed by this whole ordeal.. We walk to our table ..and I’m probably thinking to myself 

why dont I just choke on this food and die.. Atleast with all the surprises life is pelting at me I’m sure someone will cry at my sudden demise… Gave no red lights!! ”

What chokes me ain’t even the food I’m chewing in some calculated munches,, it’s the tears that I can hardly hold back… I mean, one time life throws something at you, hits your head.. Before you can rub it off, puff!! You just tripped and fell and while you’re atleast trying to get up -life punches you hard in the stomach…!! Gosh!! I need some air..!! 


Anyway… That’s life, if you gotta keep your mouth agape at all the surprises it hits you with… You better be ready for a handful of them… It will never stop… 

Just when things start working your way, life has all the possible ways to show you that you don’t have it all worked out… 

But hey that’s okay… School seems hard, well yes… That’s till I understood that the word studying had to be derived from ‘students dying’

And sometimes being broke isn’t really being broke.. You’re just pre rich 😂😂😂…


Hm!life though… 

Sometimes it’s this and that… 

Interestingly,life moves from feeling like one moment you have nothing and then the next moment a positive avalanche pours in more than you can even handle… 

From talking to random strangers on terminals to falling asleep on the passenger seated on your left ,to laughing your life out with a bunch of crackhead silly friends… And that’s how it’s simply ‘posed to be.

From letting your pillow tell tales of how you spent last night in tears because nothing seems to be in place – but hey, good things fall apart so that better things can take place… And yes, things fall apart so that they can fall in place… And that’s the beauty of it.See,the people you think you’d jump in front of a train for won’t probably matter in the next three years, but well -depends, though that’s mostly the case. 

As life treads on, you realise that nothing’s permanent apart from God and everything else that you come across could be just a test to your love, patience and endurance. 

When you understand that life’s a test, you realize that nothing’s insignificant in your life. Even the smallest incident has significance in your character development ”

                                -Rick Warren 

 Life is beautiful.. With all the crayons -colour it up and see if the rain won’t wash it all away -faded!  Lol

Thing is, we have too many expectations on people.. But I’ll tell you this  – maturity is when you drop all the expectations you have in people and start giving for giving’s sake. 

 If it means loving your heart out, Just do it… The person who loves most wholeheartedly is the freest. I always thought of love as some kind of enslavement but there is no ounce of truth in it,  because we human beings are drunk on the idea that only love could could heal our brokenness.. 

Love could reach depths that nothing else would… And I’ll tell you this  – you will love so many times and you’ll be broken more than you can count.. You’ll have to die to yourself a thousand times everyday just to fend for that neighbor,brother,beggar,deaf guy…  Sometimes love is more than just holding hands..!! 

It is more than lighting up candles and kissing under a night of a million stars.. Sometimes it’s watching yourself cry at the sight of the little girl who’s dumped at your doorstep… Sometimes it’s telling someone that they’ll make it outta that care unit yet deep down you know very well that there is such a low chance of getting out alive..

Sometimes it’s holding onto that tiny faith and hoping against all hope.. And zooming into our own biases for everything to be on focus because someday haters will be defeated by lovers ,understanding will defeat judgement and then human potential will be discovered… 

Loving you is taking all the love I could never give myself and putting it to good use ..



Witty Wednesdays 😀

See, there are days you’ll wake up just you -and people won’t understand you for that.. 

And there are days people will wake up totally different from how u thought you knew em…but when that happens, just smile it off and know that things fall apart so that they can fall in place 😃😃…and good things crumble down so that better things can take place… Yes, and never feel obligated to anything that doesn’t add zeal to your soul..Sometimes you need to let go of things when it’s time because when you hold onto them some more, they no longer bless you.. Instead, you get hurt in the process.. 

But hey,pain is part of the natural process.. Sometimes allow yourself to feel it all… If it hurts so bad, cry, scream, take a trip to a goddamn town as long as it makes you feel better ,but just don’t build a home there…!! 

And however much you allow yourself to feel these,, also know when it’s time to draw a boundary.. 

                       ****

Smile,it confuses people 😊😊

Hey, your smile Is so precious that you cannot afford to stay gloomy.. Just smile, you never really know who’s looking… By your smile someone’s encouraged…!! 

                   ****

Know when it’s time to stop 

However much it’s painful, don’t dwell there… That’s simply life.. And better things await because your life’s not tied to people who leave you.. You don’t need to convince or rather console yourself for anything that happened -take it as it comes!! Yakija, yapokee… And that’s simply coz everything is just far from our control, we’re handtied… 

                 *****

You’re loved – Unapendwa 😀😀

However obvious that sounds,, it’s true..you mean the world to someone -even if it’s just one.. Like me, I simply have no squad or that clique but then I know of about 5 people who wouldn’t really want me dead.. 

And get this straight, you don’t need people to be around you to make you feel loved… True love from deep within brings about such a satisfaction that even if that girl doesn’t text you back, you’re just perfectly fine.. I mean don’t depend on what people say to give you a feeling – else you’ll just be a disappointed and sad being.. 


                  **********

I found this really interesting by Thought Catalog ;

“There are almost a million different ways to assure someone that love will find them, and almost every one sounds as annoying as the last. So for now, I urge you to take these near-misses with heartbreak and heartache, take the missed calls and deleted texts, take the times you waited for your phone, your Facebook messenger, or even your Snapchat (come on, we’ve all done it) to go off – I urge you to take all those things and let them go. Because if the person you want isn’t trying to get in touch, they don’t want you, they’re never going to want you, and somewhere, in some supermarket, your soulmate is wondering why the heck asparagus is so expensive and why the heck they haven’t met you yet.”😂😂

Stay happy.. Life’s too good!!! 

The Bigger picture 


By now we all must be used to that cliché that life ain’t no crystal stair yes?? And again I’m here to tell you the same… LIFE AINT NO CRYSTAL STAIR but  for most times we step onto the next staircase with just a littu leap of faith… Yes, take the first step in faith, you don’t have to see the whole staircase.. Just a step of faith..! 

And it’s true, we’re almost like bats who see in darkness.. Wanna know why?? Because for almost half of our lives we live in our darkest hours where everything seems like it is in disarray… But, what keeps us going is that there’s light at the end of the tunnel… 

And when you find yourself in that dark tunnel, rub those parts so hard that you can almost feel like the Homo sapiens trying to invent fire… Do it, as long as those dark sides light up… 

As long as you carry the light in you, even darkness cannot cover you.. You’re like a city on a hill… And that light in you is so great that In whatever place you walk into, everything else converges to accommodate your presence… 

When things seem not to be working out well, be still and give Glory to God… Because there’s  a bigger picture that -all things work together for the good of they that love Him..


####


Well, I know someday will come.. You’ll be gone – and like everyone else that led the way – I’ll probably be at the front row wearing my white dress and black heels… And as I walk, I know I’ll probably trace every single bit of the memories we shared and I know for sure that, I’ll let a tear fall… Because that’s what happens when the reality of  Everyone is just a breath away from eternity hits us. 

I’ll cry at the thought of ever meeting you.. Allowing you to be a part of me… But I won’t cry because you’re gone… I’ll cry over all the memories we shared!  I’ll cry because I know the kind of person you are – such a big heart.. 

And when I read that tribute -it will probably head  :TO THE SWEETEST MONSTER I KNEW.. yeah, and friend, if you’d  have left earlier than I expected  you’ll  still be my best friend and we’ll  hide behind walls and scare the hell out of people at night… You’ll be my ghost best friend… But please don’t expect me to cry.. 

I won’t cry because then, you’d have left a legacy.. You’d have touched lives and your name will live on… 

But friend.. If you’re going to leave… Don’t make it too soon because I haven’t exhausted the times I need to say I love you everyday… 

10th letter 

Hey, I know this could be the 10th letter someone’s probably writing to atleast say sorry – but, I hope this sounds a little different… 

  • #You’re not to blame

See, sometimes life has its own course to take us through and since we were expelled from paradise – we’ve either been suffering, making others suffer or simply suffering along with them.. It’s just beyond  our control!!  Sometimes life takes us through the worst    so that when we pull out strong, someone else can have a shoulder to lean on when they hear of our past encounters.. 

  • #take it as it comes 

I love this Swahili proverb that says “yakija, yapokee” ..because there are some things in life that you cannot change.. There  are times you have to suck it up, and beat your chest and tell yourself that you will wake up from this nightmare and that’s because to survive in this life, you gotta be strong -there’s no ALTERNATIVE!! 

  • #when to draw the boundary

“Everybody dies but not everybody lives” I love how prince EA brings it out in one of his pieces. 

When do you draw the boundary and say enough is enough?? Ain’t you tired of living each day the same damn way?! Come on, get up – wipe those tears and put on some new attitude to face tomorrow! The sun will shine again… I know it feels as though you’re at the edge but hey, that’s because you’re no longer at your comfort zone and so you see, the moment you realize that life starts at the end of your comfort zone, you’ll have no choice but to bounce back and throttle down whatever dark street life drives you through. 

  • #key to happiness 

There is no key to happiness, happiness is always around the  corner. Happiness is knowing that things ain’t working out right for you now, but hoping against hope that tomorrow will be a new dawn.. But, I’ll tell you this -never put the key to your happiness in anyone’s pocket!! 

Stop living as though your life entirely depends on what your spouse, parents or friends have to say.. See, we live in a kind of a lost generation where we think of ourselves as lonely miserable beings who need to be told ‘I love you’ every morning so that we can feel as though we belong…! But I’ll tell you this for free -there is no greater love than that which died on the cross for you. .

And lemme tell you -people will only make you believe what they want you to hear.. You could live your entire life thinking you know someone till one day they pull out their masks and you’re left wondering what happened to everything you thought you knew about them… 

  • #choosing life

Stop living as though you’re dead!! The worst thing in life is knowing you can walk about, laugh and smile at the world but deep inside you’re dead, all that’s left is the maggots feeding on your esteem to walk with your head held high, Your self love.. 

Everytime you feel as though you’ll  jump infront of the next train -remember, there’s someone else who’s already done that and if they survived -its not close to any of their best memories.. 

It’s high time you started valuing every single breathe you take.. And always remember that you settle for what you deserve!!! If you’re stuck with someone who treats you bad, then that’s what you deserve because you settled for them… And sometimes the people we need most are those we’re best without.. 

You gotta summon all the courage that’s left in you, however much it looks hard -come face up the situation and know when it’s time to say enough is enough..  You deserve much better so stop using ‘but, I love him ’ as an excuse to be in the wrong kind of relationship..  If  they’ve spelled it out bold and clear that you don’t matter anymore, then it’s time for you to leave!!! Jump outta that train if it’s leading you to the wrong direction, else you’ll just crush and you’ll never forgive yourself…! 

  • #take God with you 

You know the reason why some of these things seem too hard for us?? Because we spend years fighting these battles alone.. So, next time you go to the battlefield take God with you.. Cast it all at His feet and let Him be in control

Sometimes you have to let go and let God… But remember, you’re far much worth and the most dangerous thing a plane could ever do is stay on the ground.. I know that sounds crazy because it’s likely to crash when it’s up there, but hey -on the ground it’s eaten up by rust and everything that’d cause it to malfunction.. Same way, the worst thing a person could ever do is stay on the ground and never take off to fulfill their destiny… 


It’s time to choose life…!! 


Many times we hold on so much to what God’s taking from us forgetting He’s already finished His own plans in our lives before we were born and start making our own plans. 

Sometimes we hold on very tight to old glories not ignorantly knowing we’re blocking the new blessings. 

Sometimes things fall apart in order to fall into place. Sometimes holding one does more damage than letting go. 

Sometimes God removes people from their comfort zones in order to take them to the promised land. 

And sometimes what looks like a miserable ending is actually a beautiful beginning…!! 

Silent guest 


Say, the world’s asleep but I’m stuck here peeping through the window – hear if crickets gon’ come out like they always do…neighborhood so peaceful …once in a while, hear some drunk guy stagger home singing songs he pro’lly heard in Father Jijo’s mass… 

And so I’m here,staring into the confirming reality of the tangible darkness and for a moment I reach out for one of the candles right above my fireplace – light it up, see my dark silhouette and for a moment  I realize that this has been the silent guest  that’s been listening to my thoughts.. 

How??I thought at the end of the day we all come home tired -all w’want is some good  bath and really nice food and someone to listen to our day’s  shenanigans!! For a moment, I bang my table and bite my tongue,at the realization that most times we go looking for people to listen to us yet we have our inner selves right there -and lemme tell you this however bad it feels, or however quiet and sad – you can always talk to that silent guest And whisper a little prayer ’cause you’re never alone… Someone’s always listening – either you or the Mightiest of all..

So I lower myself to the coldest end of my carpet ..say to myself – 

Darling, it’s been quite real ..and tough maybe but hey, tough moments dont last but tough people do.. ”

I mean, it’s one of those quiet nights you wish you’d just have friends over – play PS and remind each other of all the memories you’ve shared… Anyway, take this for free – it’s not always that life‘s gonconform to your wishes ..there are times its gonna be just you – and ain’t no good time like time with yourself… 


Sometimes loving yourself means you gotta    take yourself out to some godamn expensive restaurant and try out some new delicacy, sometimes  it means you gotta go window shopping for stuff that’ll probably take 10 years to buy.. 


Sometimes it’s all about buying yourself a bunch of flowers and white chocolates and sit under the moon and a thousand stars – then shout I love you!!!! 

Sometimes it’s nothing bouh Romeo and Juliet… Sometimes, it’s all about you… 

Sometimes it’s bouh how you’ve made people feel.. Your silly laugh, that one dimple you have to give the broadest smile for people to notice.. 


Sometimes it’s about letting yourself drown in your silliest memories… 

And you wanna know why?? 

Yeah sure you do..!! Because the most profound relationship you can ever have is the one you have with yourself.. You could break up with many people but you must never break up with yourself….!!!! 


Time to blow off my candle and tuck in to bed… But, always remember that you gotta have your back so badly because most times everybody is busy having theirs… Few got you, most be fronting….!! 

Sappy 

At the end of the day everyone returns to their lives and we’re left with only memories …

Memories of the people who mattered.. But, it’s better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all… It’s better to have risked it all for nothing than to never have risked at all… 

And now all these things are getting down to  me… Rushing in and inundating me… 
Allow me to remember every moment you made me cry and I’d still love you over and over again… Empty promises broken.. 

Papa, I never got the chance to cry by your graveside because I couldn’t bring myself to believing that you were gone… And when I walked into your room only to find that,that support machine was pulled out -i was locked up in denial… I’m sorry I held every bit of you so close ..

I’m sorry I never had the guts to say that I loved you.. I’m sorry I was selfish for all the times we were friends.. Allow me to feel every bit Of this And best friend, I’m sorry that I made fun of  your hair every time it fell off till the day I walked into your room and found you there lying cold and motionless and your head bald… 


Allow me to laugh at all the silly things we did together…allow me to call to mind every being of you in my life… 
And love, I’m sorry that I never said thank you when you got me that purple dress because all I did was complain about how ugly it was.. 


Allow me to remember every moment your lips curled up in a smile everytime Saw me… 
Allow me to cry because I just learnt that I’ll be an aunty -and I’m sure you’re wondering what that has to do with crying -but yes, because on the same day Maya was born, her mum passed on and the only mother she’s ever known is our Aunt Zaky ..
I feel so much… Pain, laughter, smiles… Mixed emotions and thoughts.. But allow me to feel it all
Allow me to remember every moment I’d stay up waiting for you to come home and you’d be late again And we’d fight and yell at each other till the neighbors were up… 
Allow me to laugh at every memory of us walking and singing into the night and we’d  wake the entire neighborhood like Tom and Jerry.. 


Allow me to feel sappy… Allow me to wipe my tears this time round and when I fall – please help me stand.. When I act up, please hang in there because that’s what best friends are for… 

When I get pissed for no good reason, remind me  of how ugly my face looks… 

And when I fall in love with this whole idea of you being there every time I need someone to talk to, everytime I need someone to walk home with, or make silly jokes, and hold my hand everytime I feel like I’m loosing it -please make sure my back is  covered …

Just allow me to feel it all… 

And when I’m breaking down remind me that the sun will shine again tomorrow  and there’s no reason to lose hope…