Forgiven 

So here’s the person who’d wanna journal her year and tell you it’s been a walk over.. But no… Of all the times I’ve lived, I haven’t felt more alive than now.. It’s like once your eyes are open to the truth, you receive a kind of awakening.. 


Anyway.  I’m not here to tell you how all those shenanigans went down, no.. But maybe a sneak into all that would get us seated across a table having coffee and watching the sun go down… Just maybe! 

I’ve had many good times before, memories and all… Buuuut, the best moments of my life were  marked when I met this guy.. Whoa wait!.. You must be thinking I found my prince charming right? Well YES!!.. And I think I just admitted it right now.. Haha!! 

Things were pretty bad and rough when the year begun… I kept falling in and out of reality, most times I found myself wishing I could just be caught up in that trance or do I call it selective amnesia? … I wont lie,, I’ve done things I wish I didn’t do.. Seen things I wish I didnt see, but anyway, this ain’t what this is all about…  I’m sure your curious mind is wondering what I did or better still, you’re rolling your eyes at the thought of  “ well, everybody has done at least one thing they wish they didn’t do ”… Yeah, yoh right…! 

Well, where do start now?? I’m not sure if I’m the only who gets lost in between my lines.. Haha 

Oh!Back to my prince charming… I must have been desperate enough to crawl at the feet of a man just to ask for a second chance… And now you’re wondering,,  how cheap can she be?? And he said yes… That’s where our affair begun… Oh! Now you thinking, she’s not only cheap and desperate, but also loose.. Right?? But maybe I should remind you, that when no other person could take me in, he’s the only one who did.. When I was tired and broken, he offered to stitch up those tiny pieces and hold me in his arms.. 

You’re wondering why I’d cheat on a man that offered to take me in?! 

 I’ll tell you why… 

This guy, I’d want to call him Anon buuuut Maybe I should put it out there.. I found Jesus, I found love, my prince charming… But, there are things I  wasn’t ready to let go of… They made me cheat on Him.. 

I remember I had friends laugh out and say it would only take maybe two weeks at most and find me back drowned in all those drinking rendezvous.. So right now when I look back at what the journey has been like one year down the line, I can’t help but feel tears sting… God has been so faithful..! Oh amazing grace that saved a wretch like me…! 

Today I found myself thinking of how many times I’m tempted to judge people who’re still living life so recklessly but then I’m reminded, I’m not perfect..! 

Even in our own christian circles, I’ve heard stories of people who still struggle with things ;drinking, pornography, masturbation, smoking… Name it all!  And you know the worst part?? They can’t come out and ask for help because they’re afraid of what people will think and say..! And that’s it people, we’re so fast to point fingers and tell people what they shouldn’t be doing..!! 

I’ve come across this group called Alcoholics anonymous, (it can be anything -anonymous) … And all these anonymous groups are christian groups that help believers come out and get help.. Its somewhere you basically meet up other people struggling with same things as you are and y’all share experiences and help each other  work your bundle out… 
So this is my point… You’re not by any chance perfect.. You have no right to point fingers because you feel good enough or because your struggle is different from mine… And I think the church better start acting up and take responsibility for what it is.. I’m sorry this may sound so blatant, but I have no apologies for it… Sadly I feel like the church has so many broken hearts and disguised selves all in the name of  “praise God brethren.. “


Sadly so many people in the church have to keep faking smiles while their hearts are crumbling, simply because we’re afraid of being judged when we open up… 

Sadly, we allow ourselves to be eaten up by the guilt of our own struggles because if you tell your praise and worship leader who apparently is an anointed singer, she’ll kick you right out of the praise and worship team… But what you might never know, is maybe she’s struggling with the same thing as you… 


 Sadly… This is what the church has become… A den of saints,, yet it should be a rehabilitation for sinners… 

I have nothing against the church honestly, I’m a believer too… But a believer who’s had to struggle with things silently because I was afraid.. Afraid of the stigma, critics and worse, the shame… 

But at the same time, I want to thank the few people who understand what it means to be a christian.. 

Christianity is a journey… Its not gonna be all fun and smooth.. And at the end of  the day His strength is made perfect in our weakness… 

God has been faithful to me..And so will He be to you..  Throughout all those times I felt filthy and trashy -He still offered His arms and held me together… When I didn’t think I deserved another chance, He told me to arise and shine….. 

I should have been in that fire, but now there’s fire inside of me…. 




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In Retrospect… 

I look out through this window pane.. And for a minute, allow me to share my pain.. 

Allow me to share my mistakes.. The silly choices we make.. 

I can’t help but retrospect.. Dear past, oh maybe I should remind you my name… Wait, lemme reintroduce myself to you.. I’m sure you’re surprised that   the scars you left all over me ain’t there no more right??  Haha, I guessed right. But that’s not even it, I’m not here to swing my waist at you and brag about this me you see standing in front of you, face concealed in loreal mismatch foundation, that ombre lipstick and my Chris Adam’s scent… Lol, I know you must be thinking –she never used to do designer perfumes!!  Haha… Yes, and that’s why I said, lemme reintroduce myself… 

For a minute, no! Wait! Lemme rephrase that… All my life I let you define me with all the mistakes I made.. And I let myself sink into depression for things I wasn’t even to blame for. 

She was atleast someone I knew, but I would  never have let her swing and drown into her bottles and the last time she did that, she sunk! And you know the saddest part?? A life so young and precious gone, just like that… And sometimes I wished It could have been me… Because I know what it feels like not to have someone, anyone understand what you’re going through… I know what it feels like to pour out your heart and the much they do is tell you to stop taking life so seriously.. It should have been me because I fit in her shoes much more than anyone could have… But maybe I’m stronger! 

Stronger –I dunno if i should brag about that or atleast applaud myself, because it would add to those few claps I got everytime I made a mess out of myself, And could’ve been better labelled a drama queen while deep inside I knew I was the drama… With so many characters and episodes yet, I was the main character and the climax of it all –finale!! 

Dear past, You have no idea how many times I took the blame for his mistakes.. And thought I was never good enough.. That maybe he chose her because of her long hair, short dresses and perfect Australian strine… You have no idea how many times I saved up just to get the cheapest sleek makeup, to look good for you…Spent hours on YouTube channels – how to be a better girlfriend5 ways to make him love youSo much for never being loved right!!! And I believed it when he said it was my fault that we couldn’t work… You have no idea what it was like, looking for love in all the wrong places, just someone -anyone who said I’m beautiful, I love you… Just that!! 

Dear past, I grew up feeling like I was the worst daughter because daddy never said for once that he loved me. And getting home excited because I made an improvement on my last grade would be countered by who topped the class? What did they get?? How could you get this wrong??… How was that my fault?? Atleast I tried.. Maybe if only he knew that his approval is the only thing that would make me never allow myself to get reduced to feeling ugly and wanting to know I’m beautiful.. He’d have given me that… But everytime he raised a whip to hit me, I could never see any good in me… However right he was! 

Dear past, if I had a chance to sue you… I would have done that long ago… But now that I’m grown, now that I don’t depend on you anymore.. I could only look back and say thank you! Thank you for all the times you broke me.. I am made whole now because  of that… For all the times I felt like I should have  overdosed on pills and cut my wrists open and that I didn’t deserve to live, i want you to know that its because of that, that I want to feel the sun shine on my face every morning.. For all the times I looked for approval from people, I want to say thank you,  because of that, I’m able to look at myself now and feel like I have all it takes… 


We’ve all made mistakes at some point in life,, but we don’t always have to suffer for them… Every mistake is not a mistake, its a lesson learned… 

This is to everyone who’s lost a friend, a loved one.. Anyone… And you feel like you were to blame ;

I’m sorry that no words can erase that pain… But I pray that you heal, that you forgive yourself… That you live up to be the person they’d have wanted to see you become… Sometimes we’re not always to blame though we put that weight on our shoulders and carry the grief home everyday… Accept that you can’t change whatever happened and make peace with yourself… 

This is to you who feels like you grew up without a childhood ;

I’m sorry that you were denied  the greatest gift of your childhood.. I’m sorry to every girl out here who grew up feeling less deserving because you were never daddy’s little princess.. I’m sorry he never for a second said that he loved you… But for now, forgive him.. That’s the only way to heal.. For we have a father in God  who is a father to the fatherless and he loves you as though you were the  only one on earth.. 

Son, forgive your mother too… She may have never been the best.. But atleast she was strong enough to bring you to this world… She may never say it often, but she loves you… 

Yes…to you who feels like you don’t deserve to live ;

I know what it feels like not to have anyone give you a shoulder.. Or atleast understand you… I want you to know that someone out here cares for you,  for there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother and He  is willing to listen to you  and you deserve life again like any other person… There is nothing wrong with you, you’re perfect! You’re amazing and let nothing hold you down or convince you otherwise….. 

So dear past… Thank you for the scars, they only remain to show me that you’re real… But I survived…. 

If I’d say sorry…!! 


I missed that beautiful resounding of pages cluttering, sitting by my table with a mug of coffee early in the morning ;bitting a lip and trying to fathom what I’d write next… And after a long break (like a month now?) I’m back…. 
Let’s see… What have I missed out??  Wait, we can still have it the  other way round and throw the ball in your court, what have you missed out?? Well, I haven’t been upto much apart from school and friends (just so you know,, I got this awesome fam) lol, just thought I should put it out there… 

Anyway… With all that recap,,, I woke up feeling like most times we really never take time to look around and appreciate the people in our lives, and if we do that’s because they’ve done something alittu extra (bought your fav PS game, got you the latest album of yoh fav artist and for girls, maybe a bunch of yoh fav white chocolate… And so on) 

And today, how ‘bouh we just take 10 minutes or less to just reflect on all the amazing people life has brought our way?? And not just that, how bouh we say sorry for all the times we’ve hurt them knowingly or unknowingly?? 

Never take for granted anyone that genuinely comes into your life and opens their heart to you… That’s a treasure!! 

So, dear friend… If you’re reading this ;

I’m sorry for all  the times I’ve been a pain in the neck.. For all the times we fight and yell at each other, for the times I wake up and don’t feel like talking to you… I’m sorry for never seeing how much you try to understand me… But above it all,, I have never loved you any less… 

If I was to make a wish… I’d wish that you see yourself through my eyes and only then, would you know how special you are to me… 


If I’d say sorry…!! 



I missed that beautiful resounding of pages cluttering, sitting by my table with a mug of coffee early in the morning ;bitting a lip and trying to fathom what I’d write next… And after a long break (like a month now?) I’m back…. 
Let’s see… What have I missed out??  Wait, we can still have it the  other way round and throw the ball in your court, what have you missed out?? Well, I haven’t been upto much apart from school and friends (just so you know,, I got this awesome fam) lol, just thought I should put it out there… 

Anyway… With all that recap,,, I woke up feeling like most times we really never take time to look around and appreciate the people in our lives, and if we do that’s because they’ve done something alittu extra (bought your fav PS game, got you the latest album of yoh fav artist and for girls, maybe a bunch of yoh fav white chocolate… And so on) 

And today, how ‘bouh we just take 10 minutes or less to just reflect on all the amazing people life has brought our way?? And not just that, how bouh we say sorry for all the times we’ve hurt them knowingly or unknowingly?? 

Never take for granted anyone that genuinely comes into your life and opens their heart to you… That’s a treasure!! 

So, dear friend… If you’re reading this ;

I’m sorry for all  the times I’ve been a pain in the neck.. For all the times we fight and yell at each other, for the times I wake up and don’t feel like talking to you… I’m sorry for never seeing how much you try to understand me… But above it all,, I have never loved you any less… 

If I was to make a wish… I’d wish that you see yourself through my eyes and only then, would you know how special you are to me… 


Sepositivity…!! 

They say, take time and find yourself… Well,when I had nothing to lose, I had everything and when I stopped being who I am, I found myself… Now, that sounds like a positive way to start the month after what seemed like a trendy August… Githeriman chronicles, vifaranga Wa kompyuta and now, this paper bag ban… Too much for a month don’t you think?? 

Anyway, let’s snap out of that already… September got me up with some new energy… I think I’m  going to take over the world this time round –well, last time I overslept… So how bouh we do it together?? Sounds like a deal to me… 

HERE’S HOW…. 

Coming out of the masses… And marking your circle – Come on, both you and I know we have loads of people who if I may say, aint all thaaaaat necessary.. Oh yeah! I think I just said that and you don’t like how it sounds right?? 
I know you love your clique… Oh! I also know how funny Jim is… Buuuut here’s the real deal  You cannot laugh from Monday to Sunday… Funny could lead to tears 


You MUST say goodbye to some people… If they dont help you become half the person you wanna be  six years from now… Theeeen, its that time of the party we call right abou’ now…. 

You see,   It‘s easier to let go of people you don’t like… But sometimes they’re those you need more.. I know that sounds crazy, but here’s why… They’ll give it to you straight outta the pan… They’ll be so blatant when you do it wrong… And that’s what makes us uuuhm,“ not reaaaaallly hate them ” 

I’ve found myself countless times passive-aggresively defend myself with that statement… At first its normally like ‘i hate so and so ’ then I slowly drop it to ‘i don’t really hate them…. I just don’t like how they do this and that… ’… But come to think of it, most times, we’re the ones with the problem. 

Hang around people who tell you  what you need to hearNot what you  want to hear 

Its obvious that, our cliques will definitely tell us what we want to to hear… But come to think of it, its like ;

A blind man winking at a woman in a dark room and expecting a reaction.
.. If u want to be better, you cannot please everyone… We’ve heard people time and again say that if you wanna please everyone then  Sell ice cream. 

Be around people who are where you wanna be.. 

Leave the crowds... If you wanna grow spiritually, then Spend time with God to build your spiritual muscles. That way,  temptations will be just a whisper.. 

But along the way… You’ll find people who’ll tell you that you can’t get any far.. I mean, we’ve all had people of such caliber who in fact will count down days for you just to see go back to that person you’re trying hard not to be. But, lemme prepare you in advance ; Some people are raised by the devil to remind you of your past…so here’s the thing, make peace with yourself. 

They say life is 10 % what you make it and 90% how you take it. Forgive more and  love deep. Dont let it go to your head. Being bitter is like drinking poison and expecting the public to die. 
Get better for yourself and the people around you.. Everytime u keep building yourself the results will show… Build your thick skin if you have to be better because, If u allow people to bring u down, you’ll come down. 


Whatever weakness you have, You got to turn it to your good… Dont concentrate on what you cannot do, it will become an imperfection..And as you climb the ladder up, remember that you’ll be required to climb down and serve others.. So, be humble. 

Humility is not wearing a torn shirt, or wearing the same pair of shoe for over a decade  and leaving it behind for your grand children …thats fake humility!! Humility will come from being broken before God and only after that, can it be manifested to other people. 

And lastly… 

Anyone who makes you feel bad about yourself is actually amplifying their insecurities.. 

You gotta go ahead and be who you wanna be… But first, there are some people you need to shed off… 

Look into the future eyeball to eyeball and say, I’M COMING FOR YOU…!! 



                Inspired by Robert Burale!! 

Rules Vs Love

Well,how far is too far?? ”

More than a  million times I’ve found myself stuck on that question, and I know most of us too have found themselves asking the same thing… How far is too far, as long as relationships are involved?? 

I’ve probably read many articles such as 10 ways to keep your relationship glowing, 5 signs to know that they’re into you, Basics of Godly dating and so on… All the more reason to believe that those are just rules preset in our human minds, psychology and intelligence… Buuuut now, how far is too far as far as Godly dating is involved?? 

We’ve all grown with these two mindsets on relationships; 

  1. Don’t have sex till marriage 
  2. Only date Christian guys who have the same beliefs as 1

Ahaaaa! Then now goes the profound saying, that rules are meant to be broken.. 

I’m sure we’ve all gotten to that point that in as much as we know those two rules, we always have it recurring at the back of our minds… How far can I go??Is kissing okay?? and all that, yes?? And basically, in other words this question is really a code for asking “How much can I get away with and not get God mad?? ” Rather we should be asking ourselves “How far can I possibly go to bring joy to the heart of my heavenly Father in this area of my life?”
I happened to stumble across  this book when God writes your love story and the first thing I thought, “what business does God even have with writing fairy tales? «it almost felt like I was reading one of those Cinderella happily ever after stories  but no, this was so much different in so many ways. 


More than anything, God wants to be involved with so many Areas in our lives. Infact, He wants to be involved in ALL areas of our lives. 

So now it got me wondering,  how far is too far as far as dating is involved.. Is this about the many rules I’ve read?? And the many relationship goals everyone Spends their whole life crafting?? 

#love predates law

Don’t settle for a formula. If you’re ready for an unforgettable earthly romance, start by discovering the joy of an intimate daily romance with the king of kings. When you truly know Him like that ,you’ll never again ask the question “How far is too far? ”

 Romans 8:3 -For God has done what the law, weakened by the flesh, could not do; sending His son in the likeness of sinful flesh….

Guys,that right there was love…!! And rules Wont save you from temptations ,love will… 

If you passionately love God, His interests become yours too. You start loving what He loves and hating what He hates too… 

It is easy to do something out of love and not law.. After all, we all hate rules.. We’re always finding new ways to break them and make them fit into our perception. 

We need to get to that point of building our lives around God and not trying to fit Him into our lives..! 



#Giving God the pen

I could almost hear Sinach echo “you provide the fire, I’ll provide the sacrifice… 

God is more than willing to lead in every part of your life,  but we need to be willing to follow and trust that His way is perfect .When we ask God for direction, we need to move our feet towards the path He has set out for us!

“I had been trying to make sense out of this area of my life for so long, and I had felt the pressure of figuring everything out for myself “What if I marry the wrong person? What if I never meet the right guy? How will I know who the right one is? What if I make a mistake and ruin my whole life? ”

But here’s the real deal, let God take the shots!!!! 

Let God hold the pen and write your story.. It’s getting to acknowledge the fact that we should build our lives around Him and not building Him into our lives…! It’s passionately seeking Him… And not trying to suggest synonyms we think He should use in His writings… It’s not going to be easy, but it’s going to be fun!! 

It’s a journey of finding God and finding yourself In Him… Only then, can you find others to tag along !!


Hit your mark… 

There are times you’ll feel lost… But God has a way out… Only if you hand Him the pen and let Him script your story, only if you get out of the way and allow His power to go ahead of you and part the waters… Only if you let Him pour out Himself to you… 

_It is pointless to ask God for direction if you are not willing to move your feet. Every breakthrough and every success story is the combination of divine power and human effort. 

God brought manna to Israel but He didn’t make it fall inside their tents, neither did God pick it up and chew it for them. (Exodus 16) No amount of praying or fasting could replace Israel’s need for decision-making and decisive action. Each Israelite had to get up early in the morning, find containers and gather enough manna for the day.

 God will never do for you anything that He’s already given you the strength to do. God wants to bless you financially but you have to getup every morning and work diligently and faithfully. 

God wants to bless you with a child but you have to endure the nine long arduous months of pregnancy. God wants to bless you with a virtuous wife or loving husband but you must get out of your comfort zone, sacrifice comfort and convenience, open your heart to love and be loved, invest time in the relationship, lose a few friends and disappoint some family members along the way. Just because it is from God doesn’t mean it’s going to be easy. 

God gave Israel the Promised Land but they had to walk through the desert, cross seas and flooded rivers, and fight and kill for it. Whatever it is that you’ve been praying for, God might’ve already said yes. But it won’t fall on your lap without your effort and action. After claiming it in prayer you must get up and take it by force. 

Birds are born to fly, not withstanding the law of gravity. Fish are born to swim, not withstanding the principle of floatation. 

Every child of God is born to win the battles of life, regardless of all obstacles and challenges. Whatsoever is born of God overcomes the world. 

No two birds have ever collided in the sky, which means there’s more space for all of them. You don’t need to pull your neighbor down to succeed. Pulling someone down does not necessarily mean you will go up! There is more than enough space and resources for us all to be the best that God wants us to be. Blessings to you all.

Happy New month!!